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Reconcilation
Reconcilation. It's a different word. More than reunions or truces, or even the burning strength of love. It means healing. Two broken hearts, lost in the waves of misery. With a douse of reconcilation they will be mended, and back on the path of life. Reconcilation is a compilation of the stories of cats, big and small, who, in turn, explain what they have been through. They thorougly speak as to both sides of the story. Then the cat will reconcile. The Reconcilation—Part One I knew it was wrong. All the killing. All the brutal slaughtering. It was all for nothing. But the pain he had caused me...it was terrifying. Not the broken relationship, but the feeling I'd felt afterward. They were rushing at me, as if all I'd ever known were falling into oblivion. What was my destiny? Where was I headed? Every cat going through these feelings—the only place they'll end up is anger. I felt the white-hot rage burning within me. But I could also feel a hollow pit of a chest, containing nothing and anything. I knew that the rage had no foundation. It was not built upon feelings. That the more I fueled it, the more nearsighted and cruel I would get. But I could not stop myself. I killed him. I killed every cat in my path, crushing the ground at every footstep in a wave of blood. I was sure this was my destination. Revenge. All souls were built on revenge. Revenge is what fuels anger, which is what made me lose my mind. I remember the last strike of a claw, the teeth closing in my neck. The journey, the pain, the weariness...it all comes back to me every day. Or every night, I should say, for I reside in a place absent of light. Nothing could ever heal me. The scars ran deep, seasons and seasons of worth. My blood boiled, my fur pricked up. I could not tolerate these feelings. This...this anger. It curdled through me, spoiling me far beyond repair. My corrupted mind only growled for blood. And as I looked down on the ground for my last farewell, I knew. I knew how I was wrong. I saw the light. Revenge would never have cured anything, as would anger. My life, my spirit...I had dwindled it on the verge of anger every sunrise, never realizing the true meaning of the possession of a soul. My name is Mapleshade, and I shall reconcile. The Reconcilation—Part Two My name has been long forgotten in the wind. Seasons upon seasons ago I lived, visited on-again off-again by the ever-twisted Jay's Wing. I was angry. Angry at my life. Angry at Jay's Wing. Angry at the whole world. Was this how a cat's life was supposed to end? I had the feeling we wouldn't be living long after coming to this strange mountain environment. I think we all had the feeling. I was looking forward to living the rest of my days with him, just Half Moon and Jay's Wing, hearts forever entwined. He disappears in the middle of the journey, leaving me unprotected, vulnerable. I was ready to give up. It wasn't anger, at least not back then. It was the feeling of hopelessness, the effect of crushed hope. My head had exploded in so many different emotions—of them, I could only read one. Hope. It sounded faint on my tongue, beautiful but yet with an eternity of quite the opposite behind it. So much pain, blood, and worry had to be invested before hope could emerge. Of all things, hope was the hardest to pursue. But it was the one thing that always came back to haunt me. Every sunrise we spent walking I kept thinking. Did I give up Jay's Wing for hope? It was a terrible price to pay. Everything in my life had been built upon him. Had it been overwhelming? Had he disappeared because of the weight on his shoulders? Then I realized— it had been a tribute for hope. Jay's Wing had come back. Jay's Wing had come back. I couldn't believe it. Had he come back for me? Were his feelings just as deep and thickset? Whatever the reason, I had wanted him so much, and his return definitely felt like hope. And then he'd cornered me in the back of the cave, stony teeth pointing up and down from the ceiling to floor. He'd said so much that seemed to mean something to him, but all I'd made of it was that Jay's Wing was taking his leave once more—this time with my soul. He'd crushed me under paw, my living breath, everything that I ever cared about. It felt like death. But at this point, I had no fear of death. It was just like an old enemy, waiting again for the right time to pounce. The hope. The hope turned into anger. It raged me. How could Jay's Wing bear to part with me again? I could not live alone with him, but I could spend an eternity with him. He came back. For the second time, I'd thought. Dare he? Jay's Wing had no soul feelings, I knew now. Everything was rooted at the top, something useless that would be hacked away. But my love for him—it had gone to the very core! It was something you couldn't easily push away. You had to dig deep, for moons and moons. And then Jay's Wing explained. The moon passed that moment, and he'd stepped in it, washed in the silver the same way I'd been clogged with doubt. The doubt passed, replaced with an understanding. But the anger never left me. Consistently, it pulsed, until the very last of my disappeared. Jay's Wing had left, and I knew it was for the last time. But that didn't mean I had to accept it. But I understand. His second soul, his second life...the moment I had joined the ranks of the stars I remembered. Or had revealed to myself. Because I then knew my destiny had been written in the stars for countless seasons upon seasons. Nothing I did could change that. Jay's Wing knew—and he had been trying to make it easier for me. I never did understand how he knew, and why he would never confide in me. Of course, I knew I would never have believed it. But now I do not swear to reconcile. I knew it the moment Jay's Wing needed help. It was a tingling sensation deep within me. It was something that came with love and could never be thrown away or forgotten. I helped him. I joined in the battle against his enemies, fighting only for one thing—his second soul, which was still alive, not a spirit, as the true Jay's Wing would have been. And I kept in mind what I was fighting for, It was enough for me to see his face one more time, though he could not see me. And then, a victory celebrated, I climbed the midnight steps into the silver stars. The key. The key was what mattered. The key thing, what you were fighting for. I need not say anything, for the reconciliation has already began. The Reconcilation—Part Three I broke his heart. I broke it. I knew what I was doing, that what I was doing was right, but the moment I left I knew I was leaving his heart broken. It was something that could never be mended, not in the slightest. Another love would take away the pain, but the hole would still be there, gaping, and never to be filled. I am that hole. Fireheart caught my eye the moment he walked into camp with Whitestorm and Lionheart, back when he was Firepaw and I was Spottedpaw, only just turned Spottedleaf. The moment our eyes met I knew it was love. The connection that burned between us was inseparable, and I knew we were meant to be together. And then Clawface slaughtered me. The last thought I had in my mind was if Firepaw would be okay. I knew the moment Clawface looked at me with that expression, mingled with sorrow yet hollow determination, that he was going to kill me. That Brokenstar was going to kill me. I knew I need not escape; as a medicine cat I of all cats knew that destiny was destiny, and you cannot fight it, for it is written in the stars and unable to be erased. But I knew how Firepaw would feel. He was too immature of a cat to understand love back then, but after I died he came to realization what I exactly meant to him. The love, as strong as ever, was still between us, no matter how much distance between us. I visited him in his dreams, telling him how to deal with life, giving advice for the future. Then Sandstorm came between us. And I loved her for it. It was unbearable, seeing Fireheart so desolate on the ground, so lost, and knowing that I was a StarClan cat and nothing could ever be between us for real. I knew I ought to stop loving him, for I knew I couldn't realistically make him happy in his waking. Sandstorm was the cat who would do that, and I knew it would be hard for her, as I used to be Fireheart's true love, but I now know it was as true as StarClan. It exists, but it does not exist. Sandstorm made him happy, and matched his pace and fire throughout his days. The moment Fireheart let Sandstorm accompany him on his trip to recollect SkyClan, I knew I had lost him, for I had never had him. Sandstorm was a lucky cat, I thought, and though she doubted Firestar's love for her, I knew it was as true as his heart, as pure as his soul. The moment I died in the clutches of Mapleshade, the cruel Dark Forest spirit, I knew that it was my destiny. I knew Firestar would decease on the same day, in the same battle, and I could not wait for him. I could not tell him that it was okay, that I was there for eternity, his love. I would ruin Sandstorm's StarClan spirit forever if I did not let myself go before Firestar came, for he would mourn for me with Sandstorm at his side. I know what I did was painful, but I also know it was right. I know my time was up, and my soul was meant to be released to the stars. I reconcile. If I were alive I would first tell Firestar how much he meant to me, and how much I wanted to listen to my heart. But I know that here, in the oblivion, I could reside, forgotten yet cherished forever. Thankies for reading! I hope you enjoyed. That was quite a bit of writing for me so I'll end it there, but do leave a comment with your thoughts if you feel so inspired.